I feel a little selfish writing this
but it is what it is…
it is true…
I survived hurricane Sandy
with barley a scratch…
I am grateful…
I had power, food, shelter, heat, water…
throughout
I was one of the very very “lucky”ones.
many…too many…have lost
quite a bit
and are without…still 3 days later.
but…
I still cant help thinking…
they were the truly lucky ones!
Because you see…
I am still living through
my own private Hurricane
everyday.
and maybe now is not the time or the place to discuss it
But as I see the constant picture stream…
of the extreme devastation to my beloved jersey shore
I can but selfishly think…
this is nothing new….
I have been living this hurricane
nightmare the last 2 years…
my beloved business, my home that I lived in for 27 years, my family as I knew it…
ripped from me in one big tidal wave
washed away…
to sea….
forever changed & lost to me…
like the homes in mantaloking…
and the rides in seaside..
what was ….will never be the same..
for my state…
for those people…
it might get rebuilt…
it might even be back …better than ever…
but it will never be
what it was…
that original love…has forever been destroyed.
it is sad.
very very sad.
and I am grieving for their loss and my own.
I find this whole situation…very hard.
the last day or so
with all the long gas lines, the groceries out of everything…the news on TV..
I feel like the war zone that I am living in my personal life…
has come to life…on the streets.
I am now one of the many walking wounded…experiencing PTS (Post Traumatic Sandy)
but in my case Post Traumatic Sarah’s old life has merged with it…
yet foolishly I still sadly believe
the masses…are still far luckier than me…
I know it sounds terrible for me to say…
and this in now way meant to be a pity party
but an observation on how life is so precious and how we take simple but extremely important things for granted….
I hear all the horror stories as I sit in starbucks
the loss of homes,
the loss of businesses
the loss of possessions…
yet …I am slightly bitter when I hear the tales…
bitter that my private hurricane for the last 2 years
still rages…
every day I have to weather a new ravishing wind
or quiet rainstorm
as a single mother
whose partners stole her business…. and destroyed it
leaving me stranded …financially a total devastation.
with a husband who has gone MIA
and who is refusing to untie the tether that is our “marriage”
and keeps me sinking in the waters of the unknown….
with no hope to have a future..
by denying me my get (jewish divorce)…everyday
and I am jealous…
jealous of all those
who have weathered through this Frakenstorm..
with their loved ones…
because if you have your husband,your child, your family…
it does not matter…what you have lost materially…
the foundation that was your HOME
has survived….and that can never be changed… or lost.
because when you have your family intact
any other devastation…..(including the loss of your business)
is just a big fat mess..that can eventually be cleaned up…with a lot of stress -I know…
but it can be cleaned up!
so be happy …be grateful…it is hard to see the silver lining…
but you are truly blessed …you truly have survived…
this hurricane….
because when your power comes back on…
your life is still there.
my foundation…has been destroyed.
and it does not matter how many flashlights and survival gear I have hoarded away…
I am living
my own private hurricane…
still raging on…
and there is no end in sight.
yet everyday….I try very hard
some days are easier than others…
just like those same people in starbucks speak of the loss
they speak of the good of their neighbors, the heroes of the township, the many
miracles of g-d they witnessed…
now it is time to count my own blessings..
so I have survived this Hurricane Sandy…
maybe…just maybe
I will survive my own private hurricane to.
there is hope.
The post my own private hurricane… appeared first on the Patchke Princess.